just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
