she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
