butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
