I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
