There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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