Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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