he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
