***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
