Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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