remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
