Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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