I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It's blow job season.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
