my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
