So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
