Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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