First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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