just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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