just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
