the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
All I want is dick and wine.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
