she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
