I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
