I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
