I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
