Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
