I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
