ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Someone came in the potted fern
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
