hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize