The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
