i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i just wanna soil my oats bro
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
