dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
