Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
