Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
