College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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