I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
