I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
