i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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