The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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