can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
