i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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