I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
