I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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