I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
