Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
