i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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