Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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