I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You're like the curious george of whores
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
