dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My dick has a subreddit
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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