I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize