I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
