There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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