my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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