now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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