he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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