dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
