I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize