the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
