wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
