Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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