Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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