you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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