I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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