wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
