It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
