Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
