I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
