Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
