i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
