I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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