dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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