why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
